Tuesday 24th November 2015

So any how today started with not having water in the hot water taps for over 2 days even though someone was round to fix it he didn't complete the job so looked on the internet and it was dry taps but i had no pipe so had to use another alternative hence used a 2 litre plastic bottle filled it with water with a whole at one end, so i connected the top of bottle on to the tap with my hand tightly around it and blew from the hole at the other end of the bottle and voila all was well hot water at last...

Tuesday 10th November 2015

Im so complicated that i find it hard to understand my self most of the times. Im feeling so many things all at once that it is bloody well confusing. I really can not describe the mixed emotions im so shattered with the situations in life that i really dont give a f*** about anything right now including if i wake up in the morning or not. I got an appointment at Cambridge hospital next week with regards to my shitty lungs and totally do not know what to expect, i very much doubt i will be getting any good news because hope is a word that no longer exists in my sorry life. At the moment thats the only occasion marked on my boring monthly calendar.

So anyway the last two days have been extra difficult and most of the time or shall i say 95% of the time i was in bed as i had not an ounce of energy in me to even get up and also the night before was extremely horrible as i lay there trying to sleep with striking pain in my chest and upper abdomen, i seriously thought i was having a heart attack as i had pain radiating to my arm and back and also burning pain on the left side of my chest. My husband did mention A&E but due to them taking the mick all the time i have no faith in them at all they have totally let me down in the past and make you feel so crap if nothings wrong. So no i rather not feel more shitty and safe than sorry, they never mention that do they.

My symptoms have somewhat subsided today apart from the occasional chest pain and fatigue i have managed to get up though pretty late and went for dinner with my lovelies. We went to Jimmy Grill World Buffet and had a lovely time.....

Saturday 7th November 2015

I had a bad day yesterday i was in bed all day and to top it of i was feeling so low totally unexplainable. I didn't know whether to count my blessings or just wish to be dead, a bit harsh i know but feeling low and painful is just so crap. All the bad things in my whole life were just flashing before my eyes. I just listened to some music, watched some dramas and did some drawings and went to bed at 1am and i slept even though i kept waking up through the night i fell right back asleep and got out of bed today at 2.30pm. Yesterdays feeling passed on to today so my mood was not much improved and still feeling low like somethings been snatched out of me and im feeling drained of all my energy and happiness :( hopefully tomorrow brings some joy...


Totally feeling this song...........

One of my sketches.......

Thursday 5th November 2015

I had no sleep last night at all and slept all day and was not able to get up until 6pm, feeling tired and drained of life i wish things could be different i had so many hopes and wishes which seem to have deminished with this horrible illness. I guess going shopping yesterday did not help my day today either. However i managed to have some dinner and thank you to my sister inlaw for a yummy saag chicken curry and chicken soup cooked with love :) so i took my xarelto (rivaroxaban) which is an anticoagulant and pain killers and i am resting yet again. I can hear the fireworks going off as it is bonfire night and i am cosied up with my little family and my hot water bottle which is my life saver....

And my baby just went to Asda and bought herself a hot water bottle too it is so adorable, it says it is a unicorn but looks more like a cow lol....

Wednesday 4th November 2015

Today was a good day and i managed to get a good nights sleep which is probably down to not sleeping for 2 nights. So i woke at 11am and had breakfast though i was nauseated and then got ready, had pain killers and went shopping. I managed 3 shops today before i felt like my legs were going to explode so came back quickly. I got well upset as he did not remember that i wanted something to eat from Subway so he went right back out and got me some awwww i love him. I think i'm having side affects as i quit my Sertraline so having tantrums over stupid things, though its been over 2 weeks i guess it is to be expected as i did not reduce them gradually and stopped them pretty quickly. I was on 50mg and i even increased the dose to 75mg but they did nothing  but cause more side affects and i felt maybe it was better if i stopped as many tablets as i could. But to be honest there is no difference i can not tell at all which medication is causing what side affect or which problem is causing the affects. I'm getting on and off sharp pains in my lungs which last merely a few seconds and take my breath away, i mean really take my breath away. Any way i bought a new gadget today i have been looking for something quick and easy to make loose green tea and i came across something perfect for this which will be quick and easy to wash also. Tea infuser with a squeeze handle, I found it in the shop Tiger and it was only £1.00.

I like drinking green tea and it all started with my dad who drinks at least 5 cups a day if not more he makes his in a cafetiere with some crushed cardamom and sweetners and after losing over 30kg in a such a short period i think this totally helped as it speeds up the metabolism and also if you drink it before meals it definetley reduces your appetite and the added cardamon also has many benefits including helping with digestion. I have tried to drink it a few times a day however i have not been able to keep it up so i have not exactly seen any benefits myself other than reducing my appetite slightly before a meal. However i will definitely try this for 2 weeks soon and see what happens with the weight which is so stubborn. I hate you weight :(

Tuesday 3rd November 2015

So this is my first post i've always been intrigued to write but somehow got lost in daily dramas i mean really i watch too many dramas so i thought i would take the time in expressing my thoughts and views and somehow it does make me feel a whole lot better as i have experienced in the past putting pen to paper. Anyway my day started or shall i say it has been going on since yesterday as i have had absolutely no sleep i am a proper insomniac its like sleep is such a big mission for me. Well lets say after trying to sleep all night i finally gave up trying and got out of my bed at 11am and did nothing all day, i was indoors all day and watched some TV and did some cooking with the help of my perching stool. I made a Lamb Balti which i must say was really tasty. Trust me when i say the picture does no justice.

So today has not been so bad i have seen much worser days in terms of pain other than lack of sleep i have survived yet another day :)